I can't tell you why, but here's how.

Gather 'round children. This is the story of how I came to be in Molochs, met the most incredible people and now have the honor of calling them fiends. Uh, friends. I mean friends.

Gaz the Geek; Rev. Twitch; Dr. Necrosis; Prof. Macabra; Zagam; Vaskavich the Odd; Fishboy

I get asked at shows how I learned to do the stuff I do and how I got started. The short answer is I knew how to eat fire and I met some guys that do sideshow. I then met some more people and took some classes.

The long answer is a lot more, uhm, long.  For your amusement and edification I will now regale you with the very long-winded, hopefully entertaining and possibly true version.

  I taught myself to eat fire when I was 18 so I could drink for free at parties. It worked, I can tell you that.

**This is the "Warning-Don't Do This At Home" part.**

Don't try this at home. Do it at school, theres a nurse there.

 The problem is that this was pre-Internet. The only information available to me was an old book from the local magic store. Being self-taught combined with an old book is not a good way to learn any skill. Add to that the inherent danger of fire manipulation and you have the perfect recipe for disaster. I'm damned lucky to not have maimed myself, given myself severe liver damage or simply killed myself or anyone else. After actually talking to people that do this for a living and taking classes, it turns out I'd been using the wrong fuel the whole time. The problem now is that the Internet is chock full of misinformation. The easy answer is find someone that teaches side-show stunts and pay them to teach you. There are two people I would recommend. If you really are interested, get in touch with me and I'll put you in contact with them. In the meantime, DON'T DO THIS AT HOME.

At any rate, I ate fire and blew big fire balls. I drank for free a lot. I got into a lot of parties.

Me and Mr. the Odd doing a double.

Flash forward about 20 years. It's about 2009. Married for the second time (I tell my wife the first time was just practice to make sure I got it right) with 3 kids. I worked. I threw darts once a week. I skateboarded when I could. Not a bad life at all but I felt like I needed a bit more. I got the idea that I'd like to do a guerrilla freak show by the subway on Friday and Saturday nights around the time the bars close. I started asking my friends if they'd like to join.

 I got a lot of blank stares. All I needed was someone to eat glass and pound a nail in their nose I'd explain. After asking absolutely all my friends I started on other people. Anyone and everyone. I got a lot of encouragement but no one wanted to join.

The "good" Dr. Necrosis and me.

About this time my wife and I threw a Burns Night supper. Among the people invited was a woman Alice went to school with. They'd reconnected through Facebook and wanted to get together. Jeni and her husband Mike came and, I think, had a good time (If you ever get the chance, invite a vegetarian to a dinner that features a haggis). I had heard that they did haunted houses and were in some way interested in side show. So, as per normal, I pestered Mike about learning to eat glass for spare change outside of bars. He wasn't really interested but we did talk about my eating fire, the Human Blockhead act and that they did, in fact, do a Mid-Way with games they made and some sketchy acts.

This is me and Merv. It's his Mid-way.

A few months after stuffing myself stupid on haggis, Mike got in touch with me. They had a street fair they were going to do and one of their guys couldn't make it, would I be interested in eating some fire for them? Oh hell yeah. So I made a set of torches and got to practicing. I was a little hesitant to eat fire in an open space with the audience right there. Eating fire sober for the first time was scary. Plus it's not like I wanted to disfigure people on my big break. So I talked to Mike about my worries and he asked me if I could do other stuff.  Yeah man, I do it all. I eat glass, drink motor oil. I can swallow and regurgitate razor blades. And if you need me to, I can do Human Blockhead. It sounded good to him and I was in.

I then set about actually learning this stuff I promised I had done so much it was boring. I had my first show in a month and no idea where to start. Back to the magic shop I'd been to 20 years before. I asked some questions and bought a DVD. I made some friends there and if it was still open, I'd suggest you all make sure to go by Barry's Magic Shop and at least look around.


With the show quickly approaching I was in a panic about having an act. I'm detail oriented enough (my wife would say anal retentive with a good bit of OCD) that I wanted an act that would have some flow. I was going to do a series of stunts that would make me a working freak. I'd start with putting Tic-Tacs in my tear ducts, snorting one up my nose and putting a fourth in my mouth. I then, with some effort, would hork them up and out my mouth. I'd follow that with drinking a big glass of Windex to get clean for the next bit. The next bit was to drink a cup of motor oil for lube. I needed the lube so I could swallow an inflated animal balloon. I'd finish with the Blockhead. Was it my dream act? No, but it would have to do. I was assured by Mike that the show was pretty janky anyway and to not worry about it.

I had to abandon eating the razor blades for the time being and I just couldn't get glass eating down.

A "mark" playing Anatomy Lesson.

My oldest son wanted to come along and we went to meet the others. There was Andy, Ben, Judy and Jolene. Andy was the one that wasn't going to make the show. Turns out he had to do a wedding. I mean officiate it, dude is for real. After spending some time with the gang I realized I was in way over my head. These guys made games. I don't mean shitty board games, I mean computer controlled, interactive games. They bought the electronic components, they soldered, they programed, they made the games and painted the signs and banners. That day we were going to have Zombie Brain Toss (think skeeball with brains), Anatomy Lesson (a full scale version of Operation with a Dr. yelling at you the whole time) and Satan Says (like Simon but bad ass).



Holy. Shit. I thought. I'm a rank amateur compared to these guys. They have done all sorts of amazing displays and acts. I lied my way into this and now I'm shoulder deep in my own bullshit. I had only one option. Keep the lies going. And if that fails, tell bigger ones.

I was asked to come up with a name. Molochs has a sort of "dust-bowl era" carny feel to it with a bent on the demonic. So I did some research into  demon names. I found Zagam, "The demon of the forgers of money. This demon could change copper into gold and lead into silver, blood into oil and water into wine." So Zagam is a liar, a con man, a counterfeiter and at some level, a drinker. Yep, had me a name. I don't remember who came up with the "the Vile" but it was good and it stuck.

On a really nice day in September we did three shows as well as get people to play the games. My first show I was terrified. I had no banter to worry about though, as Mike is a very talented talker (not barker). I don't really remember the set order but we had The Amazing Fishboy, RatGirl,  Prof. Macabre , Dr. Necrosis. And my shitty, piece-work batch of stunts.

Hey! That's me on the bill!

You really need to see the show to get why these guys and gals are so rad. There's some horror, allusions to the dark, a touch of comedy and a fair amount bad taste (we have DVDs for sale if you're interested. $5. While you're getting one, why not get a shirt and some stickers too?)

 Like I say, I got through my first show but only just. The second show was much better. Honestly we'd had a few meetings by then and I really liked this group so it was getting to be really fun. By the last show I was hooked. It's not like some adrenalin rush as much as pure joy to be performing. I still wasn't sure if I was doing well when, in the middle of my second show, I heard from the audience, a small boy talk. I had about half a balloon in my throat when a voice squeaked "Daddy? That man is going to die." Oh man. I need to keep doing this. I don't remember how much we made but my share was less than $10. I told them to keep it and put it back into the show.

During the lead up to the show we had meetings. After the show meeting part, the group would have a meeting about the upcoming haunt they would do for Halloween. I wasn't real sure where I stood yet but they were a lot of fun to be around so I just hung out for that part too. I knew after the show Andy would be back and it might be a while before I was asked back, if at all, and I wanted to spend as much time as I could with these people. They were funny as hell and I seemed to be getting on well with them. My son Gareth was asked to help at the show too. We were jazzed when it became apparent we were both welcome to help with the haunt. I still wasn't sure if it was us or the beer or the cheese platter we brought, but fuck it, it looked like we were in for another show.

It's not abuse if it's set to a catchy tune.

The haunt was simply awesome. It was more a theatre show than a haunted house. Andy told a story, in shadow puppets, of Johnny, a boy that could astral-project. His story ends poorly for him. Gareth got to play the real boy Johnny. Ben, Judy and Jolene did a live action, black and white movie that told the story of two lovers that, eventually, get to spend eternity together. Mike, Andy and Gareth did a Punch and Judy show about spousal abuse. It was a musical. I got to MC the night. After three haunt shows on Halloween, Gareth and I were pulled aside and told we were officially part of the group.

Home, rotten home.

From there it's pretty basic. I learned more stunts and made a bed of nails. Gareth has a full act that we wrote together. I met Thomas at a side show convention and now he drives down to do shows with us too. I continue to learn what I can and teach a few stunts to the people in my group. We are doing more shows in clubs now. That's a mixed blessing. While certainly easier, we have not figured out how to incorporate the games in a venue like that.

Who says the wicked don't rest?

The shows, atmosphere and people are all so much cooler than I can possibly convey here. You really should come out and see a show. And seriously, that's not me just trying to get your money (but we would really appreciate it if you could put a dollar in one of our hats).



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My oldest son and me. We made it.